Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Calling All Skeletons

...you are now summoned from your respective closets!

This is in reference to The Job I Really Want Right Now, the job that I'd like to think would speed us toward our homestead goals more quickly. The Get Out of Debt Pronto job. The job where you actually help people and have a lot of responsibility and get to use your brain.

I did go to the background check interview today, and it lasted 3 hours.

I didn't know I had much of a background to check, but when you have a stranger perusing documentation of your past 40 years, it makes even the most lily white citizen feel scrutinized to the point of feeling there must be some " 'splaining to do."

Yes, there is a Big Brain out there, in the form of endless computer data, that has collected all details of every traffic ticket you've had (or not). Where you went to school. If you had chicken pox or a broken toe. If your old best friend ever smoked a controlled substance. If you had an Ex of any description. Your parents', friends', children's, spouse's, and neighbors' stats. Every place you ever lived. If you were ever late paying the IRS or had less-than-stellar credit. Any blips on the family tree. Any glitches in job history. If you had a rotten childhood or a certifiably crazy boyfriend.

Or if you watched an R-rated movie on cable one night when you were 10 and the babysitter was distracted. (Just kidding, they'll never get that out of me)

Big Brother is now reality. My life in data. It's all there. I've always tried to be a straight shooter and fly well above the radar, keeping my nose clean. Being scrutinized made me quake with fear at imagined transgressions past. I wanted to shout out, "YES, I confess! I did 50 in a 40 zone 14 years ago while driving an 88 Ford with lapsed registration!" (That one actually might be true...)

LOL ;-)

My past would make boring Novel material. Even with any minor thrills of infraction, I'm not a best-seller. This was some comfort today. No matter. They can still find enough of the smaller stuff to temporarily scare the woo-woo out of you.

Next comes the polygraph test (seriously!)

I'm willing to do a lot for this job. Like having my psyche and entire past subjected to questioning.

I wonder if the polygraph will feel as strange as today's interview did.

I wonder if I'll be nervous and break down under the bright lights and swear aloud for all to hear that yes, it's true...

I DID tear off the mattress tags!!!!!!!!!

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