Crackpot Disasters

That's what I get for posting so many recipes.

I've had a pretty good run in the kitchen these days. But pretty soon, it was due to happen.

Today was a total kitchen disaster. I had peeled, diced, stirred, seasoned, combined, tasted, heated, simmered...everything I usually do to stuff in a Crockpot. But this time, the ingredients were just not going to have it...they were done with me. They rebelled. I had overstepped my culinary grace period, and they were unforgiving. The squash disintegrated, the beans retreated, the spices were discordant, and the more I tried to save it, the darker and stranger the color and texture became. Before it all burned. The fabulous slow-cook things melded into an unspeakable substance, inedibility being its highest virtue. I think I may have to patent it and sell it to a bio-lab for testing...

I moved onto other foods, because if at first you don't succeed, try try again, and all that...
I didn't burn water, but I did manage to waste veggies, pasta, and meat in what can only be called a Flameless Charred Carnage, involving multiple pots and pans and the entire countertop surface now cluttered with rescue receptacles (to no avail..there is no rescue for what's already perished). The stench has permeated the farthrest reaches of my house. I had to have a stiff Root Beer to deal with the situation. Or three.

My husband was reduced to eating dried figs at about 6 p.m. after scanning the pantry, declaring we had a few cans of tuna, and staring bemusedly at the "Pasta Something" that remained slightly edible. He finally took me out to eat, more from an attempt at self-preservation than to have a date out. I felt us slide twelve dollars backwards from our goal of paying debt off faster. I think he considered twelve dollars a small price for his survival. Good thing we're not pioneers on the prairie a hundred years ago, or he'd be gnawing for sustenance on the nearest prairie dog.

Not my best moment, hour, day...

I'm typing this lest anyone think I have anything together in the cooking department. The recipes I post usually SURVIVE my attempts to ruin them, which attests to their genius...NOT mine :)

I'm off to my last remaining root beer. No, not something healthy like kombucha. I have to make another batch of refresher tea for the kombucha, and do NOT trust myself to make it tonight...ha!