Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Crackpot Disasters

That's what I get for posting so many recipes.

I've had a pretty good run in the kitchen these days. But pretty soon, it was due to happen.

Today was a total kitchen disaster. I had peeled, diced, stirred, seasoned, combined, tasted, heated, simmered...everything I usually do to stuff in a Crockpot. But this time, the ingredients were just not going to have it...they were done with me. They rebelled. I had overstepped my culinary grace period, and they were unforgiving. The squash disintegrated, the beans retreated, the spices were discordant, and the more I tried to save it, the darker and stranger the color and texture became. Before it all burned. The fabulous slow-cook things melded into an unspeakable substance, inedibility being its highest virtue. I think I may have to patent it and sell it to a bio-lab for testing...

I moved onto other foods, because if at first you don't succeed, try try again, and all that...
I didn't burn water, but I did manage to waste veggies, pasta, and meat in what can only be called a Flameless Charred Carnage, involving multiple pots and pans and the entire countertop surface now cluttered with rescue receptacles (to no avail..there is no rescue for what's already perished). The stench has permeated the farthrest reaches of my house. I had to have a stiff Root Beer to deal with the situation. Or three.

My husband was reduced to eating dried figs at about 6 p.m. after scanning the pantry, declaring we had a few cans of tuna, and staring bemusedly at the "Pasta Something" that remained slightly edible. He finally took me out to eat, more from an attempt at self-preservation than to have a date out. I felt us slide twelve dollars backwards from our goal of paying debt off faster. I think he considered twelve dollars a small price for his survival. Good thing we're not pioneers on the prairie a hundred years ago, or he'd be gnawing for sustenance on the nearest prairie dog.

Not my best moment, hour, day...

I'm typing this lest anyone think I have anything together in the cooking department. The recipes I post usually SURVIVE my attempts to ruin them, which attests to their genius...NOT mine :)

I'm off to my last remaining root beer. No, not something healthy like kombucha. I have to make another batch of refresher tea for the kombucha, and do NOT trust myself to make it tonight...ha!

17 comments:

amanda o said...

sorry to hear about the cooking disaster...it happens to all of us!

annette said...

Oh my goodness - that was just too funny! I no longer feel so alone. =)

Farmgirl_dk: said...

hi robbyn, danni here. (Or, you can call me robbyn, too, if you like - other people do...) I laughed so loud at your post - you poor thing - all that time, energy, enthusiasm (not to mention food) wasted. But, then...let's not look at it as "waste", rather, let's look at it as time spent learning that you just needed a night out. It happens. Today will be much better. I hope you ate something lovely at the restaurant (and stocked up on more rootbeer on the way home!)...

Kathie said...

It happens to everyone and I say its nothing to get too worried about... Enjoy those rootbeers.

MeadowLark said...

I always reach for something stronger than rootbeer when I cook... that way I'm prepared for any failures ahead of time.

But where can you eat for $12? I hate living in a "hip and uber-trendy" (full of itself) place.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like chickens would have eaten it!
What about building up a good store of food so that there's "always" something to eat?

EM

Killi said...

Totally off topic: I don't if you've come across this:

http://www.thepoultrysite.com/articles/1235/brave-new-farm-ge-food-animals-in-the-usa

The report looks frightening ~ why would we want silk in goat milk? I'm glad that I've developed an intolerance to furry & feathered meat now

Nola @ the Alamo said...

How in the world did that happen! I've never had a failure in a crockpot, that's why I like them so much.

Shelby said...

ohhhh I've had so many kitchen disasters.. it'll be ok, really. I've survived. :)

cheers!

Shelby said...

ohhhh I've had so many kitchen disasters.. it'll be ok, really. I've survived. :)

cheers!

Brenda@View From The Pines said...

When I'm having a bad day, I allow myself something completely decadent. The budget may not be any better off. But I feel slightly better for having indulged. Before I feel guilty about the calories...
Brenda

Lilla said...

Been there, done that. It is very frustrating, especially when you put a lot of time and effort into making something. I'm with Meadowlark, something a bit stronger than rootbeer might have helped ease your pain!

jayedee said...

must be something in the florida air girl.....i've had just THAT kind of week too......one can only hope that it's over and will not repeat for thanksgiving! LOL

Wrensong Farm said...

I have had similar experiences...so don't feel bad. I am with Meadowlark...something stronger makes it seem not so bad! :) The divine universe was just telling you that you needed a night out! (everyone does sometime):)

Christina said...

Been there ~ done that. Posted in the scrapbook and got the t-shirt! Tomorrow is another day.... the kitchen still will be there!

Robbyn said...

Amanda, lol yes it does!

Annette, I'm laughing about it, too :)

Danni, aka Robbyn, ha! I had fish n chips. Yes, I'm a cheap date. And I felt NO GUILT. Note to self: Must burn everything in kitchen more often...?? lol

Kathie, rootbeer rocks! I like the more potent stuff, too, but since the diabetes I tried one long island iced tea on my bday and it was about like having a sugar IV in my arm, eek! So rootbeer is my close second :)

Meadowlark, we have this great little mom 'n pop in town where all the locals go. You know it's good and cheap when the entire police force goes there daily. The waitresses know most people by name, and the cook is first generation Italy. It's the cheapest place to get a full hot meal "homecooked" for less than $6.00. We went and each got a full basket of grouper, split an order of home fries, and it came in under 12 bucks. Still a lot more than one of our own meals would have cost, but so much less than a lot of the big name chains :)

EM, yes I agree about the chickens...we can't have any here, but hope to someday on our own piece of land! You're exactly right about having some good standbys standing by...it just happened that it was one of those times where the only standbys were a jar of peanut butter and some various weird canned goods, just before payday. Now at least we have a lot of pantry stores restocked since the past few days, thank you God! :)

Killi, aha, just found your comment again...shall now go and post the link on the Enviropig post...thanks!!! I agree...horrendous

Nola, lol it certainly wasnt the crockpot's fault...I guess I just have a rare gift, ha! If you add too many other things to "Bean Surprise" it can sometimes melt down into "Nuclear Waste Surprise" if done by ME :)

shelby, me too! I was just on such a great run of success...ah well, here's to humility ;-)

brenda, yep, I'm with you, girl!

Lilla, I have some strong kombucha as a stand-in if nothing stronger's at hand, ha

jayedee, girl I just want to sit at your feet (well, table at least) and learn all your tried-and-trues...you're definately a woman who cooks for a LOT of hungry mouths to feed and I'd love to see how you do it!

Wren, you're right! Now we have a good amount in the freezer...more to burn?? haha

Christina, can't see your name without thinking of the BEST coffee and how good it smells. At least I've not burnt too many cups of that :)

Shiloh Prairie Farm said...

I have had more than my share of food disasters lest anyone get the idea I can cook or something from the few recipes I post on my own blog. I think the worst one was the first time I tried to cook goat meat. Now for anyone who has never ate it, please don't get the wrong idea..it is delicious and very healthy for you, and I have since cooked many great tasting goat dishes and believe me if I can cook it anyone can...goat meat or "Cabrito" tastes great, but I digress.. The first time I tried to cook it was my first roast straight from the butcher shop. I don't know what kind of roast to call it, but it had a hideous looking spine in it (never seen THAT from grocery store meat before..) and I did not know to get the spinal cord out of it. I cooked the roast all day in way too much water in the crockpot and ended up with a slimy mess and that backbone just freaked me out.

I came across your blog this morning and have really enjoyed reading it.

Happy Holidays.

Jennifer