...by a 40 year old man, to his parents, loudly, in the booth behind us:
Man: Wow, look how many people are here, and it's only 4 PM. This must be where the locals go.
Mother (looking at menu): It says the enchiladas are on special. What's an enchilada?
Man: I'm not sure, but I think it's wrapped up in something and comes with sauce.
Waitress, coming to table and asking if she can get them something to drink and take their orders: Can I help you?
Mother: I'd like to start with a bowl of cornflakes, and a mango soda.
(This is the point at which I ceased all conversation with my husband and was frozen in one of those long pauses...lol)
Waitress: OK, a mango soda, and you want some tortillas?
Mother, consulting with son: What's a tortilla?
Man: I think it's chips. The ones made out of corn. I think.
Mother, to waitress: Oh THAT's what they're called. Well, then yes. And can you tell me what is an enchilada?
Waitress explains what an enchilada is.
Mother: Yes, well I'd like one of those enchiladas, but no sauce with it.
Waitress: The sauce is usually cooked with the enchilada. Are you sure you want it without the sauce?
Mother: Hmmm, well, I think so, yes.
Son: Mother, Mole' sauce is chocolate sauce.
Father, silent all the while.
Mother: Oh yes, well then no sauce, if it has chocolate in it.
Son, to Waitress, in louder voice as if she is deaf: ARE YOU MEH - HEE - CAH - NO ??
Waitress: Um...I'm from the U.S.
Son, still loudly: YES, BUT WHERE DID YOU LIVE BEFORE?
Waitress, still being polite: I'm from Chicago, originally.
Son: OHHHHHH, Chi-CA-go, really??
Waitress smiles and leaves to place orders. Or escape.
Me, to J, silently, making him read my lips: CORNFLAKES??
J, knowing me, gives me cautionary look to stifle any overt outbursts of mirth: Shhhh!
Me, barest whisper: Do enchiladas even have mole' sauce? They think it's fudge sauce, I think...
J: Shhhh, they'll hear you!
Rest of Behind Us People's Loud Table Conversation turns to expertise on types of beer, etc... we ignore and have pleasant conversation ourselves at lower decibel level till our order arrives.
Son, later, returning to his booth from men's room, and passing by our table after our single order of shared fajitas was just placed before us: (in loud stage whisper): You should SEE how much food they just brought those people! It's hot and is a whole lot of meat and vegetables all in the same dish! I think they actually eat it with their HANDS...
J and I: Staring at each other...
J, knowing I may very well begin shooting Diet soda through my nose if he doesnt help me retain control: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....hhhhhhh...hhhhhhh
Waitress, returned to their table: How was everything? Can I get you any refills?
Mother: More cornflakes, please...