Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dear Jason The Computer Repairman

Dear Jason, the Computer Repairman:

Thank you for rebuilding the innards of The Wreck of the Hesperus my home computer. I hope you enjoy the wealth you have amassed during the process, and I wish your children well at the private schools I must be singlehandedly funding.

I appreciate the education I received myself in the interim, what with all the fun of, shall we say, disembowelling my hard drive and all its files after searching every crevice of my domicile for the elusive Golden Fleece referred to as the Dell Recovery Disk.

I'm pretty sure I'm now qualified for an ambassadorship after the many hours of multilingual gymnastics endured at the hands of outsourced Dell customer service employees and tecchie internationals, having learned not only how to order the Dell Recovery Disk, but also other products completely unrelated to the repair of my computer. Receiving these in lieu of the correct item I ordered was such a creative way of honing my new skills of diplomacy, native dialects, interpretation, and idle threats immortalized on a recorded line patient repetition with assorted cretins unable to compose a single original thought beyond their cue cards a delightful assemblage of numerous phone line employees eager to put me on hold repeatedly.

Receiving the correct disk in the mail...finally...was welcomed with the same sort of relief and anticipation usually reserved for delivering a firstborn child, and at about the same expense and internal distress.

To be told by you, later, that you had downloaded the necessary disk content free from the internet after we had endured the above-mentioned was just a Mastercard commercial come to life...priceless...

Yes, now we DO have the disk, as you mentioned, for any problems that may arise down the road. I'm sure it will be much easier to find next time, as I have duct-taped it permanently to my husband's forehead.

Now I can get online again to access my 3 week backlog of emails. As a gesture of my continued appreciation and generosity, I can forward you a lengthy list of Kenyan philanthropists I found in my junk email file...all of whom seem eager to share vasts sums of family wealth with you, if you're interested. (I'd hardly keep it all to myself, would I??)

Thank you for fixing my computer and giving me back this part of my life. If you don't hear from me for a while, you might want to try phoning my husband's cell phone. He'll be able to get messages to me on location either at the Plasma donation center or the organ donor office, as I'm moonlighting out all my spare parts in anticipation of future computer maintenance. Never fear... I'm doing my best to guarantee your children will all drive new cars when they turn 16, and will surely have the straightest of teeth and the best orthodontists!

Fondly Yours,




hickchick said...

Ha, ha -thats great, I can completely relate, although thankfully mine was still under warranty when it died and the Dell guy could just 'hack' onto my machine remotely. Glad you're back!

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

It's a good thing I wasn't eating or drinking anything when I read this, or MY computer may have needed servicing! Welcome back, you funny lady, you! I've missed you!

farm mom said...

Hahahha. Oh, I've missed you dear friend!! Glad you're back! :)

Annette said...

FDL, LMAO. Girl, that was just too good. Sadly, something I can relate to!

tina f. said...

Yay! You're back! And welcome back, we missed you☺

CatHerder said...

GREAT POST.dont feel bad...i got a new macbook last april...when it loaded its first "updates" it wiped out all my stuff, including the internet took apple three days and hours to get me connected to the internet again, but didnt use the software that comes with mac. the fan also crapped out with the update..they still havent fixed is an entire i cant surf more than a half an hour at a time...i will keep my add insult to injury, they were so snippy and condescending i almost went back to the store and dropped it on the counter. Funny thing though, is when you call Dell, you get you have some Indian guy saying " name is Andy".....liar....your name is Ananarandagam.....the techs from apple were from the US...but really rude i thought. Good luck!

Granny Sue said...

Welcome back, Robbyn! We've missed you.

tina f. said...

Hey Robbyn,

Glad you're back! I tried to leave a comment earlier but it came back "failed". Hope this one gets through...

Paulette said...

You crack me up, I needed a laugh today. I'm so glad you are back, I've missed visiting with you. Hopefully we'll have Internet in the boonies soon...for now I have to settle for a quick look on a work break, like now.
How an great weekend!

San Diego Farmgirl said...

I got so fed up trying to fix my old laptop, I gave up and bought a new one. Sounds like the cheap way out.

Welcome back! Missed you! Thank you for suffering for your craft! :o)

The Country Experience said...

I so hear you and share your cue card-spouting "representative" pain! Companies really need to think twice about outsourcing internationally.

And when they offer you those unrelated products repeatedly--what part of "No" can even they not understand? Maybe we should start being offered some other foreign languages in school, so that we can be better prepared to deal with this kind of "customer service" or "technical support."

Anyway, I'm glad to see you back and look forward to reading your blog again.

Robbyn said...

hickchick, michelle, angie, annette, tina, catherder, grannysue, paulette, sandiegofarmgirl, countryexperience........thanks for the welcome back and (((((((((BIG GROUP HUG!!))))))))

Oy, what's with the Blogger comments lately?? They only JUST NOW appeared in the blog In sorry for the delay...I didn't know there was one! So nice to see your comments and I'm smiling so much :)

I'll be posting, so there'll be plenty of snarks and larks ahead...hope blogger gets the glitches worked out of the comments sections! :)