Friday, December 12, 2008

Update. Beware of Cranky.


I'm content. And I'm cranky.

Not blah exactly. At the moment.

There is an entire sub-story here running parallel with what I'm free to type about, only I'm NOT free to type about it yet. It involves the process involved with securing our homestead. It is long, long, and long. It requires weekly followup in many different areas, which both Jack and I quickly do.

Someday I will tell that part of the story, but it's just not the right time yet. When that someday comes, it will be easier to understand the delay in sharing all the details. It does involve a lot of anticipation, planning, researching, doing whatever the next step is, and waiting to see what the results are, and then going forward in like fashion again to the next leg of all that doing and waiting, etc. We've had some major setbacks, some things I'd call challenges, and some great open doors. Much for which to be thankful, even for the closed doors. I would so love to know when this chapter will come to a close and the next one will begin. Some of the bends in the road as far as progress seem daunting to me. I'm having to coach myself not to get into anticipation mode for too long till the fat lady sings...there are just too many variables yet. I'm sooooooo THERE in wanting this to come to fruition. Well, enough said on that...

I got out today and toppled the enormous moutain of poo...the free horse manure/straw/wood shavings, all three trailerloads. SO happy to have it. I'm just spreading it with a shovel and hoe presently, wanting to take advantage of the rain showers we are having now and then. As I was standing next to one of the Matterhorns, nearly knee deep in manure even at the edge of it all, it occurred to me why blue jeans originally were called DUNGarees...ha :)

I started back to work last week, and today was my first day off. I truly miss being at home, but am getting my mind in gear for the task at hand. Which results in slight crankiness ;-) Jack was going through some sort of Not Feeling So Hot on his off days this week, and so did a lot of sleeping in, which is understandable given that his knee is still healing. He did a lot of helpful things around the house, which were much appreciated.

I'm cranky about our eating fast food several times this week, as I didn't stop and make much from scratch. There were things already cooked, sitting in the fridge, but Jack doesnt have the same ability to look at them and visualize them as particular meals he can assemble himself, other than such things as frozen fish and such. So I feel we've been wasteful and much less healthy in our eating in the past few days, and I was being so careful with that before. Which made me slightly crankier. I've been SO SO careful about our grocery budget and now with that and the gasoline for the commute, I'm probably developing an indelible frown line across my forehead. The good part is that I can see how much our mindset has changed this year, which is progress. I just don't want to slide back away from that progress.

I'm feeling blank about what to journal here...I'm feeling quite boring.

In contrast, I'm missing my daughter while enjoying the quieter privacy in the house. Ever missed the noise of a loved one while not missing the noise of a loved one?? Told you....Cranky.

I don't know how Jack deals with me sometimes. I'm terrible at prolonged waiting, and this is the scenario we're in presently. SO much to be thankful for, and we are!! Sooooo cranky about certain areas being fraught with Waiting.

I know what I'm going to do this afternoon. I'm going to put some potatoes to bake in the oven, chop some veggies that will get steamed or sauteed just before serving time, and set the table for Shabbat. THEN I will shower and get into THE most comfy bedtime clothes I can, even though it's wayyy before bedtime. And I will slip under the covers till about 30 minutes before Jack gets home from work. Then I'll put the fish in the oven, finish the veg, make some refresher kombucha, and call it a night. Light the candles, put Jack in charge of making sure they don't burn down the house, and crawl into bed for the night.

Working nights messes with my bod during my off days. And that's how I justify pajamas in the afternoon ;-)

Am I hormonal? I'm 42...whadda I know from hormones? (said in a Linda Richman Coffee Talk voice)

I don't have much time here, and I have yet to answer some of the wonderful comments. I lack the time to visit other websites much at all, which frustrates me somewhat.

I'm delighted with how many online friends came together in behalf of our mutual friend in an emergency...that was a high point of the week :)

I learned how to knit a brim for the round loom caps...thanks to Angie at Children in the Corn (see blogroll on sidebar for link) for showing her great successes teaching herself knitting, and inspiring me to try this...it has been fun!

I'm behind in getting out holiday cards. (Some would say years behind, as this happens to me annually and most years they never get sent, ha!)

Jack's knee is a lot better, SO much better than two weeks ago. I'm relieved about this, and thankful.

I'm slowly getting an area at a time within the house straighted and organized. I'm swapping some household items for my daughter's mattresses and bedframe, since they are quite new. She bought a larger size and seems happy we'll be setting her bed up in what will now be a guest room...first time we've had a guest room since we moved to Florida, woo :)

If we had a swimming pool, this is the perfect time I'd want to jump in (ok, yeah, except that it's winter and all...details...) I so love swimming and rarely get to do it. I love the feeling of swimming along the bottom and looking all around and the sounds being distorted, sort of like music, and gliding along through liquid blue. I especially love it when my muscles are tired...it's so relaxing.
Why the picture of Einstein? Dunno, it fits my mood, and it's always made me smile. Or maybe I included it because feeling oddly disjointed, typing incoherently, and craving salmon sushi and a very hot bath are signs of genius?? (not holding my breath on that one ;-))

Well, this happy yet slightly cranky gal is going to call it a day and wind up what I need to get done before night is near.

I hope you've had a wonderful week! And if it's not been wonderful, I hope you survived with your head held high, lots of hugs, and something to warm you in the chill. Thank you for what you add to my world :)

Blog is closed till after sundown tomorrow...


Shabbat shalom!

8 comments:

MeadowLark said...

Sending you peace.
We are battening down the hatches for a big winter storm, but it probably won't quite hit us knowing my luck. I am also suffering from the crankies, and have a crashed computer at work to add to my misery. I'll be in jammies as soon as I get home, in solidarity. :)

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

Ooooh, I didn't know you are working nights. I would be the worst crank in the world if I attempted that! Although my DH would argue that I do, since I tend to work up momentum after Brian goes to bed at 8:00 and have a hard time breaking off and heading to bed before 11:30.

We are trying to prepare for a winter storm as well, one that we will mostly miss! I am trying not to fret about the mess we could be leaving our chore person with, and the time we could spend sitting in the airport due to cancelled flights....

Pam Croom said...

Smile and give yourself a break. Going back to work is a big deal and change. A little back sliding is ok-a few fast food meals are ok, and you recognize you don't want it as a habit so you'll figure it out!

amanda o said...

hope you are feeling better my friend...

Ottawa Gardener said...

I hear you with the crankies. I find that this sort of crankiness happens just before something exciting. What kind of exciting, it's hard to say but it is sort of like that electrical buildup before a storm.

That wasn't helpful was it?

Anyhow, hope things work out soon with the homestead, the mystery and getting some slow food in.

Shelby said...

I understand the cranks and blahs and not being quite all that, but still not fantastic.

I do.

Take care and get some rest. Going back to work is hard. I did it after not doing it for a year and a half.

But, life happens.

Gina said...

Definitely feeling the cranky thing! I can relate (and have wondered hormones too, but I am jsut-turned 38!)

Hope you are feeling up soon.

Never put that connection together: Dung and Jeans!

farm mom said...

Yay on the weight and the knitting!!! Oh, and crank on sister!! ;)