Baby, It's Hot Outside

(apologies ahead of time for maiming the original Baby, It's Cold Outside)


Baby, It's Hot Outside
warped lyrics by me

I really can’t stay (Baby, it’s hot out here)
It's blazing today  (Wouldn't you like a beer?)
The garden's not in (That sunburn across your nose...)
It's hot as sin (...want me to spray you with the hose?)

I melt when I step out the door (I'll turn down the AC some more)
My windshield has started to crack (...Triple A will call right back)
Just help me up off of the floor (Need me to fan you some more?)
Well, maybe some ice cold tea (Here's one for you, and one for me)

The neighbors might think (They're at the Bingo hall)
Say, what’s in this drink (think you can stand, or crawl?)
I wish I knew how (Here, let me have that cup...)
To catch my breath (How many fingers am I holding up?)

I'm sweating more more more more sir (I'm not getting too much closer)
I think I might self-combust (Well, aim the other way if you must)
Let's sit in the cool (Here Baby, the kiddie pool)
Oh, but it’s HOT outside

I simply must go (It’s HOT outside)
My clinical strength (Baby, it’s HOT outside)
deodorant gel (hon, you don't look so well...)
just bit the dust (re-apply as often as you must)

Those thunderclouds look suspicious (This watermelon tastes delicious)
We better listen for an alarm (I won't let you come to harm)
These thunderstorms can be so vicious (We'll eat and then we'll do the dishes)
Well maybe till the rain slows down (It's really far for you to drive to town)

I’ve got to get home (Baby, it's wet out there)
Say, lend me a comb (It’s up to your knees out there)
You’re such a great guy (I just saw a tree blow by)
Where is my raincoat (I think you're gonna need a boat)

There’s bound to be folks talk later (I better start the generator...)
At least there will be plenty implied (I hope the freezer hasn't died)
I really can’t stay (The power is out)
Oh, but baby it’s HOT outside