Sunday, December 5, 2010

Walking. In a Winter. Wonder. Land.


Jack's boss just told him last night that his security rounds must be continual all night, with no periods of rest.  Is this legal?   Whether or not it is, it's being made a condition of employment.  We need the paycheck.  He is resting right now before his next shift, tryin to sleep.  His legs are  having painful cramps.


We've had dips down to the mid-30s some evenings, so our two newer dwarf cavendish bananas were the first to wave a brown-and-wilted-leaf farewell.  The more mature moringas are soldiering on,  pods still on two of them and still growing.  Some of the cranberry hibiscus are on the decline.  Papayas still holding out.   The gynura are ridiculously loving the temps and are downright lush, but I  know from past years that come anything below 32F, they'll be toast.   But I can walk outside and feel the sun on my face, some days in the 80s, right now in the 70s.  As much as I have twinges in missing the briskness of a more northerly winter, and REALLY miss the joys of a wood fire, these Florida climes do have their up sides.


I wonder if I'll pass my upcoming state exam on the 13th.

I wonder if my husband's legs will hold out till better days mean he can enjoy a more suitable way of  making an income.

I wonder if I'll be good at being a CNA.

I wonder how fast we can get finish getting out of debt when I get a CNA job.

I wonder if I'll ever stop wanting to have another child, even at my age now.

I wonder if I did ever have another child, if I'd wonder if I had been slap crazy in wanting that.

I wonder at what a different world this is than my grandparents' world, and miss them.

I wonder if I'm a good mother, always assessing that balance between non-interference and asking about the personal things.

I wonder why I am drawn to really great first lines in books, especially fiction, and what's the greatest first line ever written.

I wonder if I will ever get to be a creative writing teacher again, and if I could ever go to college and be in writing workshops...or if I'd blank ...and...blank some more.

I wonder what my dog is thinking when he gazes at me with such devotion.  Is it devotion?  Is he thinking "I'm crazy about my person!" or "My Food Source seems to be moving a little closer to the kitchen, hooray!"

I wonder when I'll be able to write about the backstory that has eaten up our days and hopes and a lot of our time, but has to remain private till it's resolved.  It does involve land.

I wonder at the healing nature of laughter, and love love love to find the quirkiness that makes human folly less sinister and simply meriting a hearty chuckle.

I wonder at how quickly time passes.

I wonder what life will be like a year from now.

I wonder if I'll have back my waistline in this lifetime.

I wonder at the amazing love my husband has for me.

I wonder at the person my husband is, and how we are such a good fit, and how miraculous it was that we ever met in the first place.

I wonder at God's continued goodness, and wonder why He always gets the blame for anything man does wrong in this world.

I wonder when the citizens of our nation will stop handing over their personal rights in exchange for promises of protection.

I wonder how cheaply I could eat if we had rationing or much less money to live on presently.  I wonder if I could be really grateful for eating beans every single day if it came to that, or if it would become apparent  how spoiled I am and how much I still take for granted.

I wonder if I could sew if I HAD TO.  I mean the kind of sewing where any attempts at making clothing would produce an actual wearable item ;-)

I wonder if I can write a really great novel.

I wonder if I wrote about my life, what genre it would be and if it would be even remotely believable.

I wonder why part of me craves living in complete austerity, and the other part of me loves beauty so much and feathering my nest.

I wonder why food tastes so good, and why I have trouble controlling how much I eat, but not what or how much I drink.

I wonder why I listened in the past to people I didn't respect and bothered to care what their opinion was.

I wonder when the era of political correctness will run its course before there are no words left to say without pressure of conformity.

I wonder why I have such a visceral revulsion to Pres Obama and Sarah Palin alike, even though they're on polar opposite sides of the fence.

I wonder why I'm so happy not having TV, but can't seem to go a week without wanting to see another tantrum by Gordon Ramsay in HK on Hulu.

I wonder how the copious quantities of dog hair making dust bunnies in every corner of my house never seem quite equal to the modest amounts of hair removed when I brush the dog.

I wonder why the greater bulk of English literature considered classic reading made it to the list.  Jane Austen is the exception, of course.

I wonder why I want to eat out even when the food I cook most of the time tastes better, always is more economical to make, and is so much better for me.

I wonder at the power of being cherished and how it sustains me through the ordinary and the extraordinary and makes so many bumps in the road seem just inconsequential.  Thank you Jack.  Thank you, God.

I wonder if my dog knows how happy I am because he's always near.

I wonder if my husband realizes how his laughter makes my whole world lighter.


Um,  yeah...that.  Ever in our minds, in our efforts, in our working and waiting.  Completely in God's control and timing, be it yea or nay...or stay.

That's the update...what's going on with your winter, wonder, or corner of the world?

1 comment:

Judy T said...

Oh, Robbyn, you can make me laugh and cry at the same time. We have snow. I'm having fun watching birds at the feeder. I wonder if my daughter will EVER feel comfortable with driving.
I'm so sorry for Jack. I can't imagine- no breaks- ever? That doesn't make sense to me.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out for you.