June 2015 Update

Wow, it's been over a year since I've blogged here.  Health issues and economizing have meant trimming extra expenses and I can now post here after having the computer cleaned up and accessing wifi somewhere besides home anymore.  I knew McDonalds was good for something, ha!

I was bedridden a good bit in 2014 with a chronic illness.  In July I was able to ambulate enough to putter a bit, and I really really needed to be outdoors if for no other reason than for my own mental frame of mind!  I rented a plot at the nearby community garden in August 2014 in order to try my hand at growing things we're not set up for in our yard at home...the community garden has a lot of tools and resources right on site.  After initial setup, the plot is a combination of no-till  no-dig and intensive planting.  

This is plot 20, which was initially flat and overgrown with weeds.  I made an L shaped trench inside the 10X20 foot square and dug it down about 3 feet, piling the mostly sandy soil up around the edges to make the raised beds.  I noticed the walkway soil next to the plot was really fertile and in disuse, so I dug those up as well, piling the interior beds higher.  Then I filled in the trenches with composted woodchips  from the piles of them at the garden.  That process would take most people a couple days, maybe.  It took me three or four months.  I would work a few minutes at a time and then sit out for a bit...that was all I could do.

The aisles were all weeds until they were filled with wood chips.  Then on all sides I layered plastic tarp, a thick layer of flattened cardboard (from throwaway boxes from the grocery), and then a thick final layer of wood chips.  This  process elevated the bed considerably.  In the actual raised part I made into the garden beds, I put down thin limbs, green waste, and shredded newspaper in almost a hugelkultur (sp?) way slightly buried under ground level and then piled all the soil atop that in a thick layer. On top of all?  Composted cow manure, the cheapest type of soil amendment I can find without weed seeds in it.  Timberline has 40# bags for $1.57 at Home Depot.  They know me well :)

I put down a thick top layer of the composted manure and watered everything in periodically from a frighteningly stinky homemade compost tea, ha!  The one thing I would change with this design is to make the raised beds  no more than 2 1/2 feet wide...I find the 4 foot reach a bit too far to really reach into the middle (over and upwards) without having to step into the actual bed.  But I do like the "hump" type of raised bed, where the middle becomes raised a bit higher than the sides of each raised bed, because the plants seem to like it and some of them like the peak and others the valleys.

What happened to our land?  It's still there, patiently awaiting us when we find a way to recommence further clearing and fencing.  Our plan has always been for the long term.  I have slowed us down way too much this last two years, my health.  That was a matter of some depression and frustration on my part, especially the very limited mobility and the expenses that arose and put us just about under.  God teaches me patience and He gave me this as a little project, a way  to keep on trying.  If we do get to the land, this will have given me more hands on experience.  Jack tends the alternative-use trees on our current home lot and has gotten really really good at growing those.   Two guavas are fruiting for the first time, the blood orange tree has its first few fruits in years, the moringas and chayas are simply prolific and he is incorporating some wild plant volunteers alongside the other trees.  The jujube is still hardy and both small plums were loaded with fruit this year.  They tasted pretty bitter, but maybe that will change as they mature?  The honeybees are happy with the trees and the trees seem quite happy with them!

I'm learning a lot out at the community garden.  The biggest lesson I'm learning so far is to not fight the zone and the season.  A LOT of gardeners here in Florida just call it quits from about May till September as far as gardening, especially vegetables.  I grew some beautiful greens all winter here, only stopping with the heat in about March.  The summer-loving plants I've learned will enjoy growing in this prolonged heat here are:  Amaranths (we grow the edible leaf types), sweet potatoes, poblano and hot peppers,  eggplants(!!), yard long beans, and okra.  That doesn't seem like much of a veggie crop, but we are trying to grow enough of the amaranths and sweet potatoes to use as an alternative crop of greens during summer months.  We're experimenting this summer.  The flowers that love the heat are the zinnias, cosmos and the volunteer cannas I've transplanted from the overflow common areas nearby. Oh, and some herbs really love the heat, especially the lemongrass.  There's a whole list of things I planted that I had to pull up.  I was hopeful for the green beans but they don't care for our summers.  The melonworms got all the squashes, too, so maybe next time around I'll know more about using Neem or Bt.

Anyway, it's a short update,  but the first I've been able to shoot out in what feels like forever!  Let's just say health problems can keep us from doing what we thought we'd be doing, but there are ways to tailor efforts to an ongoing attempt to keep on keeping on.

Our freezer is full of frozen greens from the winter months and some very clumsy attempts to grow things in raised beds.  I'm now from one plot to two, and am taking on a third very soon, and another shared one.  The  nice thing about intensive planting "no dig" is that you just continue layering plant material and compost or other soil building materials without disturbing the soil much.  Even folks with back problems or reduced stamina or mobility can access the beds from the sides and put in plant starts with nothing but simple hand tools, or seed things directly by hand. 

We have found so far that the fall and winter crops that do well are the greens...Kale, swiss chard, mustard, collards...and nasturtiums for enjoyment :)  Green beans do amazingly well in fall and spring.  My poblanos made it ALL year, even through the freezes and are still cranking out fruit!  I'm not a big fan yet of Florida tomatoes...sand doesn't lend itself to producing much flavor, but the cherry tomatoes are great anyway.

And some day I'll tell you about this monster (fondly smiling) called Bolivian sunflower...

For now, happy gardening...I'm happy and grateful and wanted to share these pics.  Hope to have some newer ones soon!

:)  Robbyn

Still Here But Can't Post in the Text Box :)

Puter Probs --- Can't Get on but will be back in future!

A Long Ramble

I'm home alone tonight while Jack is at work, and I'm feeling reflective.

I think and overthink a lot during the quiet hours.  I've had a lot of quiet hours.

After a long road of physical  nosedive, we concluded enough tests to eliminate some of the bad boys...cancer, lupus, MS, Lyme disease, and so on.  I was very relieved, and so was Jack.  Now we're in a strange no-man's-land of a diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  Apparently it's been building for the last 20 years or so, with flare-ups and then periods of functionality, all of which I put under the vague headings of not being active enough, being overweight, not eating enough veggies and so on.  The attempts to heal have been varied and many over the years, for what? I was never sure.

When I went in last December to the ER thinking I was in the middle of a heart attack, and knowing it was not a panic attack, that terrified me.  It was completely beyond my control, and I don't like that, ever.  Pair that with a cyclically inflamed knee (torn meniscus) ranging from being able to walk for shorter periods of time to being unable to walk without a walker...and you have a very sad Me.  I was very very sad.

And I lay on the couch, unable to get up.  I could not stay in a sad place the whole time, I don't want to get lost there.  I got to live in a space I have not been in a long time...a place of quiet and stillness.  Always we were scrambling to work, to pay for repairs for vehicles so we could continue to work, and in the job I had for the past three years (gratefully!) to be a caregiver and companion,  I guess I did not realize how "up" I tried to keep myself as I cared for the two octogenarian ladies I cared for (same location) at that time.  I was the caregiver, confidante, soother, errand-runner, problem-solver, and ultimately grief stabilizer for both ladies.  I was there for the moments of emergencies, hospital stays, and ultimately death.  That pulled so much from inside me, an interior world I never knew could rise to those challenges till the tests came.  And I am grateful to God for the honor, as well.  I think it was the right time, the right situation, and taught me so many lessons.  It was a gift that I still don't fully understand yet, but still cherish.  After three years of 12 hour shifts, I was tired myself.

After they died, no assignment was the same.  There is always an adjustment between long term client assignments and getting to know someone else's needs, and I pushed to rise to that level of competence.  It did not come easily.  I found that after a day's work, I would come home so much in pain that I could not walk (the knees) the next day, or with an exhaustion that made me wonder if I'd actually wake back up once I went to sleep that night.  But I just equated all of that with the "same-ole, same-ole"....needing to get healthier and so on.  I kept my smile, my enthusiasm was real, and I wore my game face.  I am a professional.

During the off days, we would take the ones we could to go do work at the land, i.e. the farm, which was slow going because of our learning curve and the fact Jack was doing most of the actual labor himself.  Still, it did our hearts good to see progress being made!  The dream of a more self sufficient life removed from many of the expenses it takes to live where we currently do still burns perpetually within us.  We do not romanticize it.  We plan and work for and pray for it.  It got to where I was so exhausted after my regular work days that when we went to the land, there were times I had to just sit out any activity.  That progressed to having to lie down.  That is NOT me.  Looking back on it I see a progression, but during those days all I thought was "tired!"  Then came the night I thought I was having a heart attack, and could not stop the escalation.  Then the ER.

We are in too vulnerable position financially.  The ER visit expenses did not help.  Initially, I think we both panicked.  It became clear I could not return to work, and the panic in my heart was real, a real grief when realizing how that would affect the progress of our mutual efforts to get to the farm, to get it set up enough with just the most basic of basics for us to move there in any form.

I could not do anything there for many weeks but lie in bed or on the couch.  I'm not much of a crybaby.  But tears would stream out of the corners of my eyes, especially seeing how Jack just remained calm and carried on.  I could see the impact of this changed situation, and feel the added weight on his shoulders.  To his credit, he only showed frustration or panic a couple times.  We are very open about everything with each other.  He told me the truth:  God is in control of this and life happens to us all. (I knew this).  He was calm.  I said "what's the plan from here?"  He said "same plan, we just stay steady as possible."  And again, the tears just squeezed their way out of the corners of my eyes.

Then something happened, slowly, as the days progressed.  I talked to God a lot.  Sometimes out loud, but mostly in my mind, where the thoughts go too quickly or not organized enough to really verbalize them.  He quieted things and I began to think of this as a Quiet Place.  I could not pump myself up, leap over this hurdle, pretend I felt better than I did, push myself the way I always had.  I had no choice.  Don't get me wrong...it's not my nature.  I'm an overcomer, even in the times when it's been with reluctance to pick up and try again.  Just dash me with a hot shower, let me caffienate, jump into my clothes and pep talk myself beyond the physical discomfort and "get 'er done!"  That's how I roll.  Or rolled...

Anyway, I won't belabor this.  This has been humbling.  And I stopped to just be grateful.  That I'm still here.  Perpetually thankful for this husband I can't believe is so amazing, steady, loving.  Noticing the things I'd never had the time to just sit (or lie down) and notice...looking out the back french door windows and seen things green up, seeing what birds were singing, seeing how simple things boiled down to...eating, showering, clothes, bathroom, sleep.  Humbling.  Even walking was not taken for granted.  Noticing the levels of discomfort as they ramped up to pain, and the relief when they abated.

How did we ever decide to get the bees?

I lay there on this couch, not feeling well enough to blog or check facebook or do emails, not even to read a book.  So I closed my eyes and thought "what can I still do to help us get to the land?"  It's always in my mind.  I turned on youtube to listen to things, and remembered that I had always been intimidated with the idea of keeping bees, but remained curious.  Every time I'd picked up a book in the past, hoping to grasp the terminology or the understanding of how a hive functions, a few pages in I was intimidated by the unfamiliar terms and the seeming complexity.  So in my enforced couch-dwelling, I decided to put on some long-play talks on basic beekeeping.  That's how something took root and began to grow.

I was on that couch many, many days.  My mind had to do something even if the rest of me couldn't.  And so I continued to play long youtube bee videos.  I had plenty of questions and was still so lost in the terminology after a point.  So I'd just re-listen. I kept hearing people assure others how easy beekeeping really was...easier than keeping a hamster or a cat, they said.

In that quiet place of resignation and just leaning in to what I had no control over, in that stillness, I grew to love the bees.  Some clarity began to take shape, slowly.  I began to understand some of the basic needs and to see that there was a lot of unpredictability, but within it, a timeless simplicity.  People have been "befriending" bees from the beginning of recorded history.  And this became a thought, a consideration.  An idea, which was something I COULD do...to learn, even if passively.  And hope was planted in my heart again.

I'll stop here for now. There is a part two.  But this is part one...the quiet place of relinquishing control I never truly had in the first place, of gratefulness, of slowness, and of pain and a big stop sign to pause the fast forward my days had been paced like before.  Closed doors one direction, open ones another.  And stillness.

I'm grateful for a home to rest in, a couch to lie on, a husband who loves me like I could never have hoped, a daughter I get to connect with nearly every day.  Friends, who care.  Whatever this is all meant to mean, and I don't know what that is, I am glad the clock stopped where I could feel the presence of a world suspended for a time and realize I never had any control in the first place.  This all is God's goodness.  He has been so, so good to us.  I can't explain how the losses of the past years, not just this bump in the road, have left me humble.  And grateful.  Somehow He sits with me in that quiet place and I can hurt or have joy, and it's ok.  It's ok when it's not ok...sometimes the miracle is that there is life at all and when we wake up, there is another day.  And that all we actually have or hold is now, this moment, and nothing else is guaranteed.

I watch golden showers of bees dancing in the mid-afternoon sunlight and it's joy.  I hope they feel mine.

Bee Installation

 

The last week of March was when our empty hives finally were filled with bees!

At first we had planned to buy a nuc from a beekeeping friend we met when we responded to a craigslist ad advertising treatment-free raw honey.  Bob was really nice and is a true lover of honeybees.  He often does bee removals, which is how he gets some of his colonies.  He had put together a few nucs to sell, and we were planning on starting outs with a couple of his nucs.

It goes to show "you never  know about bees" (Pooh quote :))

The day before I called him to confirm a date to pick up our nucs, ALL his bees had disappeared.  All but a few in one hive.  He was gobsmacked.  And obviously we had to find another source.

Again with craigslist, there was a lead that we followed.  We bought two 5-frame  nucs from a local beekeeper (commercial) and it included delivery and installation.  They were to be delivered in two days and we had  not prepared a base to put under the hives yet.  So we scrambled to Lowe's and bought some concrete blocks and other stuff, but only ended up using the concrete block.  I basically stacked them two high and made a solid platform for the hives, since they still seemed a little wobbly when I tried them just on two smaller stacks of blocks.  We may figure something else out later down the road, but nothing is going to be pushing these over for now.

And late one Thursday afternoon, Kyle arrived with our bees!

These are the pics of his installing them, along with his assistant.  He had enclosed the queens in cages, and they were already proven queens and were with the specific nuc in which they'd already been raising brood.  The queen cages were attached between two frames of brood and were released (again) by the bees outside the cage eating their way through a sugar plug to free the queen(s).  The 5 frames were installed and the additional empty frames added to the sides to make two hives with 10 frames each.  The foundation we went with this time was the black ritecell plastic foundation coated with some beeswax, per Bob's recommendation and several other local beeks.  Next time around, we may go with honey super cell, but as far as cost went, this time we could afford the other.

Next installment soon...on the learning curve of the beekeeper (us!!)...and how I came to understand what orientation flights really were...ha!

We are loving these little fuzzy flying ladies...they are a joy!!

It's been a long time since I've written about life at our place.
I've been ill for a long time, and yet there is much good to tell.
I'll try to reflect on a few of those things in upcoming posts!

In the meantime, say hello to the wonderful ladies now living in the backyard... :)

.

Book Review -- Gift it from Scratch

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, from Gift it from Scratch by Katie Lapcevic

I'm delighted to review the new cookbook, Gift it from Scratch by Kathie Lapcevic,  blogger maven at Homespun Seasonal Living!

Kathie is always a treasure trove of new ideas, practical solutions, and endless creativity.  This new book of hers, offered as an e-book,  is no different.  It focuses on food gifts made from scratch and offers so many ideas with each recipe.  She gives suggestions for assembling care packages and gifts thoughtfully, and how to pair items to personalize them.  Variations are offered to tweak recipes according to available ingredients and personal tastes.  And the scope of recipe categories offers something for everyone -- breads, both yeasted and quick types, heartier comfort foods, cookies, cakes, muffins, snacks and crackers, and so much more!

I'm enthusiastic about this book because each recipe is not only well-tested, but is a standby in Kathie's own kitchen.  This carries a lot of weight with me, as I prefer much-loved recipes with a history and proven track record.  Gift it from Scratch delivers.  I also appreciate that the recipes call for ingredients that can be easily found right in the pantry.  I'm inclined to cook something with ingredients close at hand.  I feel like I just inherited a treasured family heirloom, and I can't wait to bake my way through the book.

I began with the family recipe Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, a classic.  They were very good, and the instructions flexible enough for me to have some of them my way, soft and chewy, and for my husband to have the others his way, crunchy.  I managed to get one photo.  You'll have to take my word for it, they were great.  There is no evidence left of that first batch! ha

This little book will be a catalyst for inspiration when tailoring meaningful, memorable gifts.  Making something with our own two hands transforms ordinary ingredients into something more than the sum of their parts.  It's the difference between grabbing fast food on the go and coming home to a house warm with delicious kitchen smells and the comfort of a hearty welcome.  Baking homemade gifts extends that home-style kitchen welcome far beyond the boundaries of our own four walls.  Kathie offers suggestions about affordable gift items to pair with the baked goods to personalize gifts or tailor them to specific occasions or life events.   I found the possibilities endless, and I'll be adopting some of these myself.

So what are you waiting for??  Get your own copy.  Mine is already initiated with a few spills from actually using it!  Also the author of the blog Two Frog Home, Kathie is familiar to many homesteading and other bloggers and blog readers.  Her book is a fantastic resource, and would  make a delightful gift itself to pair with some of the wonderful baked creations you'll find in it.  Congratulations to Kathie for opening her kitchen to us!

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

I've been silent here a while because they say when you don't have something good to say, keep quiet.
Because I have been feeling as if I am "that" person...

Honestly, if I were to list all the things for which I am grateful, they would be endless.  In EVERY day there are those blessings, starting with the profound one of being able to wake up in the morning anew.

We've had lessons on not taking that for granted these last few weeks.

Last year, I just struggled to feel good, and physically just never did.  I tried many different things beginning with mind over matter.  A good mental boost (read a kick in the pants) is often what I need to motivate myself beyond initial startup.  Towards the end of last year, though, I had enough trouble it began affecting my ability to work my shifts.  My torn meniscus (knee) has never healed, either.  I have felt I'm becoming "that" person...the one with always a reason (excuse??) why I can't do this or that, or having to sideline things I want to do myself (having to ask for help now), or "special accommodations" for what's beginning to see like a dang disability.

I would mentally pep talk myself into How Not to Be a Wimp, and I would try to fulfill beyond my own and my agency's expectations (not to mention my clients) on the days I did work outside the home.  At home, I was so wiped out that things around here just collected dust and did not get maintained by me as I'd like.  In fact a lot of things never got done.  This is the perfect way for me to feel extremely lousy about my contribution to my life and my family's and friends' lives.  I may be harder on myself than anyone else.  Jack certainly never expressed any complaints, but that just made me feel guiltier.

I think the past few weeks have been another lesson in trusting God, and in humility.  Sometimes being humbled is straight-up being brought low.  Sometimes life pulls the plug.  Sometimes we are sidelined.

The ER visit at the end of last year was a costly one, poorly timed...are those things ever timed better?  Shame and panic overwhelmed me.  I pride myself on being dependable and on doing a good job.  Already not operating at optimum (and constantly having to hide it or compensate for the knee, the feeling lousy, etc, w hile maintaining a level of excellence outwardly at work that I did NOT feel inside myself...ugh)...I still took jobs because we needed the money...I needed to push through...something would surely give, right?  And then I just couldn't.  We thought I'd had a heart attack and afterwards I could simply not function, not get out of bed for more than a few hours at a time.  Try explaining that without giving a workplace a reason not to give you future work.  I'm a very private person and DON'T like to give out personal info (which I seem to be doing just now, hmmm...why does the internet still feel more anonymous??)  At any rate, I was grounded.

I hate feeling like "that" person, whoever "that" is...

January was spent in bed.  So were the first weeks on February.  I could not get up for more than a few hours before my body just quit and left me no choice.  There was no inner backup to draw from.  This scared me and really scared Jack.  I cried a lot over  having no choice in the matter.  We investigated  insurances and other options.  We consulted a lot of different knowledgeable people, as we were able. 

In the end, our options are very limited, and I'll leave it at that. I did discover that privacy is very important to us, and that I don't want advice from well meaning sources unrelated to our private lives.  And I will say that healthcare dot gov is not the holy grail that the current administration tries to promote it as, even for those of us who need give it serious consideration.  In the end it's MY CHOICE.  I resent the dangling piano overhead of an IRS penalty if that choice for me does not include mandatory insurance care.  That's all I'll say about that.

I am grateful to have a very good doctor who has worked to have other options available.  It does not equate to  free healthcare nor any burden on the private sector.  I've mentioned it before, but it's called the Epiphany program and it covers a very broad range of healthcare basics.

Anyway, back to life...


My doc did some investigative labwork and chose a few things for us to address.  Then, for the first time since I can remember, Jack and I got the REAL flu.  It was a bad boy.  The fever and ugliness phase lasted a week and the bronchitis phase lasted  another.  We are  now fully Gatoraded and coughdropped.  Thank you, Halls...thank you to my daughter who plied us with cold cures from afar <3 Thank you to Bounty that DOES quicker-pick-you-up when the Kleenex run out... What does a person do when your body quits on you for hours at a time and you can only stay in the bed or on the couch?  Well, we don't have TV and one can watch only so much Netflix or even facebook.

Change has happened inside me as a result of weeks of enforced rest.  I hadn't realized it was time for some changes, and some things I think I 'd been waiting for some indication from God as far as specific direction.  Some things I had to war with myself about...whether to stick with some things or to go a different way.  Some things I had to let go and not understand at all.

I'll write more specifically about those things.  I had to let go of a lot of fear and realize I have little control over things when it comes right down to it.  I got a chance to read a lot, talk to God a lot, and do more listening or just being quiet than anything else.

I think I needed that.  I needed the quiet and to listen.

I hope I'm on the other side of this dark and stormy night.  I'm feeling better enough to feel human, which I hadn't in quite some time.  I've had to let some things go, let some expectations of myself go, and to allow myself to be...well whatever I can in the now, without apologies.  I've had to be honest about some things I just shrugged off as "business as usual" when really deep inside myself I've been troubled at times.

I got to see how some  people treat me when I can't offer them anything or couldn't be of use to them just now, even though I've done nothing but good for them or their business in the past,  And I really appreciate the good friends we have who encourage us in God during those dark times.  Those friends become like family moreso than many of my actual extended family members.  I thank God for them.

Here's to calmness and clarity.  We are all fragile, whether we think so or not.  Life each day is a gift, whether it feels that way or not at the time.  People are to be treasured and respected.  Our own hearts' desires are also to be nurtured and  protected and put gently in God's hands.

I've learned that He is present in the dark nights.  I  knew that from before, and did not doubt it.  But He is my actual Father...an actual God who is an actual Father.  I poured out my distresses to Him and in some things I continue to.  Whatever sense that I make of the dark times, or don't, He has never been the one to let me down or let my husband down.  All that we have that is good is from Him and He keeps us during the confusing and frightening times.

If I don't take anything away from this but a realization of His goodness, that is enough.

There is more, and I'll write about it.  But His goodness is dayeinu (enough)...to overflowing.

Grateful to still be here, be feeling better, have a roof over our heads, have beautiful husband/daughter/friends....

What does today hold, or tomorrow?  I don't know.  But God will be sufficient for it.

This Man

This man.
I just don't have the words to express how much I love him, and even moreso,  how much he loves me.

He loves me by digging post holes by hand, because we have to do it that way right now.  It's the only way it can get done, so he does it, even when it exhausts him.
He loves me by telling me to rest, to keep off my bad knee, though a lot of times I don't listen to him, and then he loves me enough to realize I'm stubborn and really like to work beside him.
I don't do as much.  I paint the fence posts with tar, or hold a post he's trying to position or balance one while he makes the hole deeper.
He never asks me to push myself, and it makes me want to more.

He worries about our future, my future.  He works hard in the now.  He worries about my health, and I worry about his.  We try to better our health together, and sometimes we succeed, and sometimes we have an extra slice of pie together.

I can't imagine my life without him.  I don't have to...I already lived too many years without him prior to our ever meeting, and I don't want to go back.
I love that he always showers before bed...always.  He loves getting grimy and sweaty and using his physical strength.  And then he loves to get clean and relax.
He usually loves my cooking.  And I love to share that with him, and so many other things.  Countless things that are just him, and that have, this past 9 years, become us.

We looked at the tomato seed packets that arrived in the mail, gleefully.  We could almost taste the little multicolored cherry tomatoes in our minds.  He was as excited as I was...sugarplums dancing our our heads.  Sugarplums that can be planted, nurtured, watched, and if reaching maturity, eaten...and then the seeds saved for future plantings.  Dancing in our imaginations and in our future reality.

That prostrate plant is the wild muscadine that has fruit all over it

 I was in the ER this weekend, and that was unexpected.  I'm not an ER person, so this was a last resort.  We have no idea what expenses will arise as a result -- I am uninsured.  When I stabilized, I chose to leave and to try some followup through my own doctor.  We did check into the Obamacare insurance.  If we signed up today, it would not cover us until early February, so those decisions will have to wait a few days till  we get more facts.

Any trip to the ER jeopardizes our ability to get safe, to get to the land.  Getting to the land is what we equate with some level of safety both financially and practically.  Those who do not think like us will not understand, will not understand why we have to keep trying to do it, to make that happen.  They will not understand our choices, what we go without, what we keep in place, why we carve any spare time up with trips an hour away to do a few hours work, mostly Jack's own labor, to inch-by-inch Make A Place.

We need to finish the fence.  That's a huge project, because it's all on Jack.  It's being done by hand.  Then we need to do some  more clearing, dig a well, put up a panel and have a temporary pole (electric) run, then buy a used trailer.  At that point, we're IN.  We NEED to be IN.  After IN is dig out a cow pond, put calves on the acreage, get bees, plant trees, field plants, medicinals, and...so on, with joy in each step.  But getting IN, that is the priority.

I'm praying for a tractor.  As impractical as it might seem to pray for one out of the blue, too bad...it's the one piece of equipment that seems to be most needed in various capacities.  One which we cannot afford to buy even used, but can be prayed about nonetheless.  God tells us to ask for what we need, and I look at my husband, his ability and his age and the fact I don't want him to become injured, and I ask for a tractor.  I'm used to being redirected in my requests if they are not wise or timely.  And we're both used to working instead of waiting around for golden sunbeams and pixie dust.  But God has answered so many of our prayers in ways that exceeded our expectations, and He is our true father.

I pray that I will be ok, that He grants me and also grants Jack the wisdom to know what health actions to take, what tests to agree to have run, to  know when it's ok to forgo them and just live the best we know how.

I do not want to break the bank, to risk our future, to put more financial burdens on Jack.  He works for my future...I work for his.  I feel  he carries the lion's share, and now he's a little scared after that ER visit.  He wants me around, and I want him to live beyond beyond. 

This man, he is my heart, he is my miracle from YHVH's hand.

Every one of these posts that are now in the ground are not just the beginnings of a fence.  They are acts of love.  With every shovelful of sand and grubbing hoe severing a root system, it's "I love you."

I pray that this refuge he cherishes for our future and willed to existence through prayer and sweat and sore muscles...and laughter and shared wonder and blue skies and endless loads of supplies and tools...I pray that it comes to be.  Because it is the desire of his heart.  I am the desire of his heart, and I am humbled, daily.  I am in love with this man and life with him.  I thank God daily for the miracle, and I close my ears to anyone who does not understand it enough to be happy with our endeavor...this love I may never have had and may never have had to give were it not for God's mercy and goodness to me, to us.

I need for those who understand to pray for my husband's success and blessings to pour upon him.  He is truly a friend of the Almighty.  And he is my beloved.

YHVH hasten all Your blessings upon this man.  Your man.  My man.  My very heart.

Wild Muscadines

.

P.S. Greenbriers are Delicious!

These weeds are everywhere to be found around here...greenbriers...in the smilax family of plants. Here's a Green Deane youtube video.   I just learned a few days ago they're edible, and we have so many coming up where Jack mowed at the farm, I've been picking the tender tips on site and eating them raw.  Ours are much smaller and newer plants than the ones shown:


They are delicious...they taste like fresh, delicate asparagus! (to me)

Here's another link, Merriweather's Texas foraging site...  The key in identification is to make sure the vine has both thorns AND tendrils, and alternating leaves...here's the link

Update, and Untimely Cigars

Quick update, before any more time gets away from me.  It's shabbat and I can't sleep.  I had heat exhaustion earlier today, at least I think that's what this is, even though the temps were in the mid 70s.  It was overcast and I had no idea I was soaking up all that sun, but boy, it did a number on me after several hours out at the farm.

If I don't feel better by later today (and a good night's sleep, hopefully?) I may have to break down and go to the doc.  But anyway...

Last week Jack chewed up the southern property line, all 660 feet of it, with a walk-behind bush hog.  It was not the bigger type machine he was hoping to find at a rental place-- in fact he was unable to find the kind he really needs anywhere.  Yet.  Knowing him, he'll keep on looking, because we really need something more substantial.  He had to wrestle that machine over so many palmetto roots that he was really sore and nearly sick from the physical exertion of it, and he's a pretty strong guy.  He was in temporary agony the night after that throwdown, muscle cramps and such.  I played nurse but he didn't get much relief those first few hours.

This week he dug all the holes for the posts along the front, the east side facing the roadway.  It's mostly sand, but a few of the holes hit palmetto roots and he has had to work his way downward slowly with a grubbing hoe/pickaxe thingy, which was also really physically demanding.  The first day this week, he used both the shovel and the manual post hole digger (clamshell type), but today just stuck to the shovel.  The posts have to go in about three feet and the posts themselves are 6 inches wide and 8 feet long.  We got about half the run in the first day and most of the rest today, and I painted the asphalt paint to coat them all (and, as usual, part of myself, ha).

We just couldn't finish up in time, but only a few are missing and we hope to get them in next week, weather and schedule permitting.

I began a new assignment at work and I just don't know how it's going to bode for the knee.  I was simply exhausted this week -- it was three consecutive 12 hour shift workdays in a row, and that's an awful lot for my knee, without being able to put it up at any point during those hours.  I was in such pain by the end of the third day I could barely walk.  It comes down to needing the money and needing to stay as active as possible.  I've decided that it will either work or it won't, but I won't know unless I try.  If the knee worsens, I'll have to try, again, for a different assignment, since on this one they won't allow just two days, for reasons necessary to the client.  Let's see.  I do miss being home those days.  But...we need the income.

I'm exhausted.  Going to head to bed now, finally.  I've been sipping lemon and water and such but don't feel restored yet.

I did get some pics of a beautiful wild muscadine vine loaded with fruit at the back of the property.  We see the wild grapevine sprouts all over the place, but have never seen any fruit yet all this time.  What a wonderful first!  I think this is the bronze variety of muscadine because the fruits at this point are a bright yellow.  I'll hopefully post the pics soon.

The wildlife spotted today was of course beautiful...a very large otter ran across the highway on our way in, loping along, black with a brown underbelly.  We heard herons all day and saw some fly over.  At one point there was a flock of thousands of swallows wheeling overhead...it was neat!

No snake sightings today, but  a grim reminder was retold from one of the employees at Tractor Supply.  He's a local to our area and like us chooses to locate there because of the rural beauty and privacy and wildness.  I was asking about snakes and he mentioned he was struck by a large rattler/Mexican viper cross snake (which I've never heard of and am not happy to learn about) just this summer and barely made it in time to the hospital.  He was treated with antivenin and I think the treatment ran into the 20K price range.  Ewwww.  That kind of thing makes me want to slash all the palmettos flat to the sand and burn the duff and gnarled roots down to nothing...I confess.  We did pick up some handy tips from the man about local stores, rental places, and questions about getting Ag exemption status.   Which is all premature since we are frankly inching along with the fence, but we gather facts anyway.

We finally met someone from the property next door, the one that had the large encampment of people with offroad vehicles around Thanksgiving...and none of whom introduced themselves to us.  Till today.  A  younger friendly nephew of the owner and one of his friends came by on a 4 wheeler and chatted with Jack a few minutes.  We're pretty obviously a presence now on our property, fairly regularly, and it was nice having an introduction to one of the neighbors we share a boundary with, and letting them  know we do plan to live there eventually and are putting a perimeter fence up.  And he assured us their rifle targets will be positioned  safely (we didn't ask, but nice to hear it).  We also put up two of the No Trespassing signs, one at each of the front property corners.

A family also drove by, out looking for land and trying to locate some of the For Sale properties out there.  The signs usually go missing ,and it makes for a fun search for those willing to actually drive out that far.  We're hoping someone nice hangs in there and buys the foreclosure  home at the end of the road.

And, finally, a special moment.  Somebody upstairs has a real sense of humor, I'll just say...

When I know I'll be using the tar paint on the fence posts, I'll wear the "tar outfit" from home...a lightweight men's longsleeved shirt, my oldest pair of jeans, both of which are smeared with black tar streaks that don't wash out (and ruin the washer trying, so we don't...)   Well, it's a little humbling if caught in my full getup, but then I've never been a slave to fashion, and we don't get out and go into stores or anything if we're wearing something really grimy like that (and it is).  I thought maybe the exception would be the loading yard at Tractor Supply, since surely actual workers doing actual work probably frequent the place to pick up fencing and posts and things.  So Jack is helping load and tie down a number of 8 foot posts into our short truck bed, and I'm standing by, chatting with the two employees helping without a care in the world.

I'm off my game in the early morning...I've never been a morning person to start with, never will.  And that morning we had thrown some  last minute things into the vehicle on our way out.  The day was yet young.  (too young and not enough caffeine yet)

I was not aware enough to fully realize that the younger of the two employees was not exactly making eye contact with me as I chatted, and the old man had a bemused look on his face.  But I was too uncaffeinated to notice just then.  And then Jack decided to get more posts, went back inside to pay for them, and we chatted some more...sort of.  I was vaguely aware I was getting some odd vibes, but mentally dismissed it as my awesome tar clothing ensemble reaction.  Until Jack returned, we finished loading, and I got into the truck again and was putting on my seatbelt.

(I've debated whether to include this anecdote here or not)

Still in my early morning brain fog, I reached across to fasten the seatbealt, and then noticed what I had failed to notice all during the chatty little conversation with the two store workers.  I had earlier that morning grabbed what I'll delicately refer to as  "feminine supplies," stuck then in the front shirt pocket of my workshirt...and there they had stayed ever since.  Not concealed, noooo.  They were prominently displayed sticking halfway out of the pocket, like a handful of plastic-wrapped cigars, still in their rather feminine-supply-ish packaging, for all to admire.

And of course Jack never noticed.  And he had a good laugh over that, and still is laughing.

I'm sure I will get my sense of humor back one of these days.  ;-)

OK, that's all I've got for now...

I Can !!!

The pressure canning retries were not in vain (a mere 6 hours later)!  5 quarts of homemade soup all pinged, hooray!!!

I can!  I'm a canner!  I'm canning!  I can!

Substitute the word "can" in this video for the word "sail" and this is how I feel...move over, Bob Wiley...Ahoy!!  heehee!

Presto 16 Quart Pressure Canner

It's finally jiggling.

And I've been talked back off the ledge.  Thank you to Kathie, my canning hero(ine)  for being the calm sounding board I needed after the first fail, and for her "I knew you could do it."

And I am doing it!

I thought I knew I could do it until the first attempt had to be aborted after the very screaming sound coming from the valve lock thingy.  That rattled me, truly.

We purchase a $64 Presto 16 quart pressure canner recently with money I gleaned from the grocery budget by being frugal, a challenge to myself to see how low I could go one week from the usual amount.  The All American was our first choice, but the Presto has its fans, too, and the price was right, which ended up being our determining factor.  The other determining factor was that it is safe to use on our glass stovetop.

I've NEEDED to can for years.  Why I've been this resistant I don't know.  It's mental.  I just was not ready.  I was "stuck" with too little direction for too many projects I wanted to do, and a lot I needed to complete.  Money has become more of a factor right now, and I need to use every batch of food to its utmost.  Too many times I'd make a large batch of this or that, such as chicken stock or soup, just to have the leftover amount languish too long in the fridge between other incarnations.  Not only was it perfectly good food, it was perfectly delicious food sometimes wasted and oftentimes inconvenient to reheat, always having to take a small amount from a larger pot to reheat and so on.

Part of my resistance has also been that I really don't need more kitchen contraptions.  I'm a less is more contraption person...I'd rather do without.  The ones that have found a home here are ones that get really used and are worth the headache of finding space for.

I've taken years to get to this point of wanting to begin canning since the few years in my childhood when my mother taught me how when we had an overflowing garden.  I've taken days to leisurely (read Not Stressfully) read all the enclosed instructions, various other canning sites, and sending private emails to a few folks who are already pros at this.  And I chose a day I had few distractions and nobody else going to and fro through the kitchen.  It's 2:39 and at 3:05 I will turn off the stovetop and wait a little longer to hopefully take out the first batch of canned goods I've made since 1981.

I made soup yesterday, a big batch that was really good (to us) and got the kitchen ready for a new project.  I followed each instruction to the T, with the one hiccup of forgetting to stick a plastic knife in each filled jar and jiggle to remove air bubbles before wiping the rims and adding the heated lids and then screwing on the rings.  I had them all the way in the canner, water included, when I saw I'd skipped that step, so I undid them all and got the air bubbles out (or the invisible air bubbles out, I never saw any) and rewiped/hot lidded/screwed rings on and replaced in the canner.

I had meticulously gone over the whole canner with a fine toothed comb (figuratively) and given it a good washing and drying, checking that all holes were no clogged, etc.

Even after all that, something happened after the exhaust phase (steam blowing out the valve for 10 minutes before attaching the rocker) when I attached the rocker.  It didn't begin rocking.  The other valve atop the canner is the pressure lock valve which sticks up from the surface of the lid when pressure is present.  I made the MISTAKE of pushing on it a couple times with my finger.  Oh MY.  It screamed.  SCREAMED.  And wouldn't stop.  One long screech that lasted longgggg minutes before piping down.  I mean the kind of school fire alarm squealing all through the house screaming.  My husband who is sleeping in preparation for tonight's 12 hour shift at work sat bolt upright and asked me to shut the bedroom door.  The door was closed already.

I turned off the burner and took the canner and set it to the other side of the stove, off the heat.  It still SCREAMED.  Until pressure went down.  Mentally I knew there is an additional rubber plug that, in the case of a pressurized emergency, would blow off and release the pressure so the thing would not blow up.  Knowing that was little comfort during the screaming incident.  The dog hid.  I consulted Kathie and a couple websites and the Presto guide.  And started all over, taking everything out, pouring out the water, measuring again, taking needle and thread and making SURE nothing was plugged up anywhere and re-oiling the gasket.

This time it worked.  WHEW.

No screaming.  I'm sure I'll get the knack of this before long.  If at first you don't succeed, and all that.  I'm just relieved.

I was going to bake bread and other things, but I'm just applying cups of coffee to my jangled nerves and waiting till 3:05.  It's now 2:58  (I'm a slow typist)  And nothing yet has blown up.

I think we'll rack this up to a "get to know your equipment" day.  Note to self, the rocking stays steady at number 4 of the stovetop dial.  Second note to self, it takes about ten minutes with this one, at least with quarts, to reach rocking.  Third note to self, steam does escape from both valves, and I need to start counting "exhaust time" when I FEEL the steam coming from the main valve instead of SEE it.  That's all for now, Self...

IF nothing is broken and there is no more excitement in the next few minutes, I may have my first 5 quarts of homemade CANNED soup to put in the pantry instead of a big stock pot in the fridge.

HOOOOO freaking RAYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!

(Whew........)

(Smiling victorious Rosie the Riveter smile)


So.......how long did it take for YOU to not be terrified of YOUR pressure canner?? :)

Kitchenaid Mixer! and decal

And lo, there was in the kitchen of Robbyn, a newly-acquired-from-craigslist used Kitchenaid mixer!  And the people rejoiced!!!  (Robbyn sure did! )  And yea verily she kissed Jack for nigh unto forever for having bought it for her!

And it was white, and Robbyn googled "decals for Kitchenaid stand mixer," and she found many ideas.  And she found out they were removable, so she felt adventurous.  And she ordered one in "subway art, lime green."

And she applied it and managed not to mess it up.  And there was angelic singing, and many loaves of bread to be made.  And the people rejoiced again!!  (Mostly Jack, who likes to eat the experiments)  

And Robbyn bonded with her mixer and felt like the most spoiled cook (and wife) in the entire world, even though it is a real bargain (especially because it is!)   And she is not used to having THINGS she is this happy about, because she's all about simplicity and not really into "stuff."  But she is joyfully, unguilt-ily, so stinking happy about this!!

And now deciding to discontinue typing about herself in the third person...ha!

Oh dancey dancey dance!  I'm glad I did hand mixing all my life till now.  I learned bare hands and a wire whip or heavy spoon are how historically all mixing was done and are completely masterful to this day.  They worked fine for me.  I was not discontent.  I was just infatuated with Kitchenaid mixers through the years (my former MIL has one and used it all her life), and I also used to scout the new ads that advertise the ones that come in all sorts of beautiful colors...I'd even pick out my favorite dream colors.  The lady who was selling this one was only doing so because she had remodeled her kitchen with stainless steel appliances and said the white mixer stood out too much.  I sort of can't relate to that, but I'm glad it equated to an almost impossible bargain, complete with attachments and grinder, and pasta extruder. 

The decals were just fun.  I had wondered if they made stickers or such for stand mixers and laughed aloud when I saw all the things available in vinyl...have fun googling it sometime and you'll see what I mean.  Ordering the decal was just the cherry on top, fun!  And removable if needed down the road.  Anyway, that's the kid in me just wanting to play :)

I've long been curious about how a machine can knead and do big batches.  And now I'm finding out!  I have to get used to not kneading everything by hand...it's become a habit.  But it's fine with me to get to do other things while the mixer does all that..

Wow, I'm grateful!  And I hope this machine lasts long enough to be passed down to future generations.  It's definitely going to be shared in the sense that a lot of folks are going to be receiving tokens of my baking experiments....hooray for floured counters and hot ovens!!

Calabaza Again

These tropical squashes/pumpkins are like gold to us.  They begin on the vine as variegated green-striped orbs and later ripen to a beige and cream exterior.  This is the inside flesh of one we picked just last week, a small one.  I'm not good at guessing weight, but I'd say it was in the range of 6 or 7 lbs, maybe more.

The flesh is golden light orange and thick at this stage.  These pumpkins can be hardened off by leaving them on the back porch out of the rain for a couple weeks and then can be brought inside and kept in a dry, cool area for months.  I think one year we harvested in October and ate our last one around June of the next year.  Over time, the inside flesh thins out and is a bit stringy, but still very easy to work with and delicious.  At this early stage of harvest, though, it's prime.

What I'm happiest about this year was not the harvest itself...there are probably more on the vines to pick, and we had an exceptionally wet year this year.  We were late in starting the ONE plant that produced these (it doesn't take a village with these...one single plant can take over an entire lot!).  But this is truly a survivor plant and was grown from seeds harvested last year, and that year's harvested from the year before.  This is a third generation plant from the same seed stock, hooray!! It's SO MUCH fun seeing the vigor repeat itself in a plant truly suited for this climate.  We REALLY believe in trial and error and sticking with plants that thrive in our own climate conditions.  This has not proven itself to be a bad philosophy so far :-D  Here are the seeds for next year's plants...and then some.

 

Tonight I peeled and chunked the calabaza and brought it to a boil.  Essentially by the time it reaches that point, it's already done.  It's silken and delicious!  I grew up in a family in which my father despised sweet potatoes.  We really seldom had them and when we did, they were so over-sweetened that I never really had any desire to eat them again.  However, as an adult, I grew to enjoy sweet potatoes baked and eaten with only a shake of sea salt and some butter.  I love them that way.  When I married Jack, that was the first time I'd ever eaten a pumpkin type squash, other than in pumpkin pie.  It's simply delicious!  It's not stringy or grainy, is not "dry," not quite as nutty flavored as butternut but with the same beautiful texture and very versatile.  Usually I just pierce a whole calabaza with a sharp knife and bake it whole on a baking sheet or roasting pan till it slumps in on itself.  Then removing the outer skin and the seeds is really easy...no wielding a huge knife and hoping the fingers stay intact (it's hard to slice through).  And I do make a pumpkin souffle just by using the classic Libby's Pumpkin Pie recipe (on back of the pumpkin label), but substituting the calabaza instead and making it without a crust.  It always turns out great.

But sometimes the simplest way is the most appealing, and that's the case tonight.  Calabaza, sea salt, butter.  Delicious!  Here's to years more of simple, satisfying food right from the vine...

Homemade Lox???

Why have I never considered this could be made at home??  I LOVE lox...had NO idea I could home cure it!!

Thanks, Dabblist!!   Her post on curing salmon, here

Honey Oatmeal Loaves

Jack...

bought for me...

from craigslist...

a used, heavy duty...

 Kitchenaid stand mixer...

Don't count the slices that are missing from this loaf...ha!

HOOOOOO   RAAAYYYYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pics of actual mixer to come later when it's not in use making more goodies!!

This was a recipe for Honey Oatmeal Bread straight from the Kitchenaid insert handbook.  It's very good!  As with all bread recipes, it's good made by hand kneading or machine, either one :)

Tomato Tease

Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds' Blue Beauty Tomato.  Click to see catalogue!

I'm in love with amazing tomatoes.  The quirkier and more flavorful or complex the tomato, the more smitten I am.  With the advent of the black, white, striped, fluted, purple and every other non-supermarket type, I'm in tomato heaven.

We get really hot summers down here in Florida, with weird extremes.  Some years are monsoons, others are drought, and with others you can throw in freak freezes or a couple of hurricanes or two.

It seems the cherry type tomatoes do very well for us when we try them.  In fact, some have just refused to give up the ghost until simply mowed down come cooler weather...that's a survivor plant!  As our focus has been to move to the farm (first getting it set up) we've had to forgo the plantings we did here in the yard in other years.

But I have to have some tomatoes soon.  My body craves them.  And the Baker Creek Heirloom Seed catalog is no help!  I'm addicted to their pictures and descriptions and the really broad variety of traditional and rare plants from all over the world, all GMO-free and open pollinated.  I mean truly addicted.  I keep the catalogue by my bedside to pore over, pen in hand, reading EVERY description and making notes or circling the ones on my wish list.  The tomatoes always figure prominently in my perusal.  And then there are the peppers, gorgeous!  And the squashes, funky, diverse, captivating!  And the melons...oh my.  And so on.  The pictures are glossy and I end up hungry for fat little cherry tomatoes and so much else to grow, grow, grow!

The picture shown above is shamelessly nicked from their catalogue (and promptly linked right back to it) to show you the eye candy that has danced in my dreams from the MOMENT I lay eyes on it.  Which was mere days ago when I received the latest 2014 catalogue.

So tonight I went online to order THE SEEDS......And They Were SOLD OUT.  Of the Blue Beauty tomato seeds, all of them.

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

head smack, head smack,  head smack

HEAD SMACK.

So I ordered the cherry tomato version, Blue Berries, FAST.

I just had to share the tomato burlesque...just had to share THE PICTURE with those with the same sickness so as not to feel bereft.  Blue Beauty, there's always next year...
-------------------------------------------------

12/17 UPDATE...THEY ARE BACK IN STOCK!!!

Mystic Mud

We join with Michele's family at the blog Mystic Mud in celebrating the life and grieving the loss of their precious youngest, baby Finn.  Though it's across the miles, we feel the ties of heart that bind us to the joys and sorrows of each other, this diverse homesteading community.  I thank Michele and David for sharing this part of their lives with us...we are better for it.  I hope our love and prayers can be felt at even times like this.

Dempseys, you each are very, very loved.  There are no adequate words to express our sorrow.

Love,

Robbyn and Jack, and so many others