OK so in making big life plans it's nice to have backup plans. And of course the backup plans serve to fine-tune the original plans, and some things drop by the wayside, and of course other things try to sideline a good many of the specifics so that we have to regularly revisit and revise (and rethink) The Overall Plan.
What surfaces are the most important elements, and others fizzle out or are absorbed by time or circumstance or distractions.
We like the better-distilled plans anyway.
I began this blog several years ago. I was very very anxious for us to be where we most wanted to be...on some land, carving our own little place in our own way, our own expression of good living defined differently than a lot of folks, but custom-fit for us. To be free of the clutter of outside demands that leave us without many choices or time together, and in other ways TO clutter our days with meaning and deliberation and being IN the moment. To deconstruct, to construct, to experiment, to distill, to embellish...our way. Jack and myself, individually, are each partial solitary creatures content to hermit away our days in a riot of natural setting and a dearth of modern conveniences...and part relationship junkies needing meaningful connections with friends and family of all different persuasions, especially valuing keen perspectives, creative minds, and a lot of diversity. We both gravitate to our home as our refuge, home being wherever the two of us happen to be nesting at the time.
Anyway, there have been ups and downs, and as far as the overarching plans we've undertaken, we've been united in most ways without too many exceptions.
We're still not on our land, so with all things being what they are circumstantially, on this day I'm simply glad to have my husband, for us to be together and be able to pay our bills.
We're very blessed, and I thank God every day for Jack and Rachel, a roof over our heads, food, a vehicle, gasoline, jobs, paychecks.
We're getting out of debt. I can't believe it's taken this long and every time we anticipate making sizeable headway, something like getting tires replaced or any of a list of other normal blips on the budgetary radar arise, our margin of flexibility is just slim slim slim.
SO...
I'm thinking about pushing a bit harder. I'm mulling over becoming certified in another job area that would make me more marketable in our locale closer to home, for more pay and better hours. I'd be on my feet more, work more hours, and see less of the homemaking I love...and for a time less of my husband. I don't like that part...in fact, I feel a physical need to be with him and near him daily that just can't be explained except to say it's where I'm happiest. But if I can get the training and the certification under my belt, 6 months of fulltime work at the new job would make the difference in whether ditching the rest of our debt takes months or years. The prospect of being able to be FREE in months means at that point we could both have a lot more choices and less pressure to make further decisions.
And THAT seems like a decent open door.
The other thing that I would want to go hand-in-hand with that is our taking care to keep improving our health and keep slowly losing weight. I simply don't want that to go backwards.
We want to go offgrid. To have the tools we recognize we NEED to put in and maintain a garden that will feed us a large percentage of the year. And especially to have the time to do those. ALL without debt.
These are all attainable goals. I feel like we're going through our undergraduate education in Homesteading in which we can't do the fun specialization "courses" till we have the foundational things firmly in place. Learning some of the things NOT to do has been part of the process, and maybe just as important a part of that education.
Strangely, in the cleaning and organizing I've been slowly doing here in the house, I have run across soooooo many seeds bought during the last two or three years. Every unopened packet is a hope deferred. There is a scripture that says hope deferred makes the heart sick. There have been a few times I've felt heartsick, as much of this process seems like a lot of prolonged waiting. But honestly, now I feel "replete" with direction. As I look at the hopeful stash of future foods, flowers, and growing things represented in all those waiting seed packets, I think to myself "these will keep." It's kind of how I felt when Jack and I first started getting to know each other, anticipating the next time we'd talk or be together but not wanting to rush each step but instead savor it...while still in a way hoping it would hurry along...but glad for the time to walk it out together instead of rushing past all those great "firsts."
It's so funny, mapping out these backup plans. They all serve the big plan, though, even if they look different than what we thought the plan would definately be a few years back. Plans A and B were wayyyy back there, and we may make our way through all the later letters of the alphabet before all's said and done. I'm going to have to muster some additional stamina and flexibility...I mean how many dozen careers can one person have in a lifetime??? I've had so many! Answer...as many as it takes, woo!! Because they serve our life instead of our life being in the service of A Career. Bring 'em on. If it's all for the sake of having more choices and more ability to do what we most want to do sooner, plans X, Y and Z are all still part of THE plan.
So if you hear me whining about sore feet and a job I never imagined myself doing, well it's par for the course. Because I want to be able to enjoy having more time with my husband for the long term, and I sure do want some chickens!!!
Hope your weekend is great...we're having an easy night tonight. Ate local Mexican earlier today and tonight is just a snack of olive tapenade on some buttery crackers and a delicious cold glass of milk (I haven't bought milk in months...all of a sudden it just called out) We're turning in early tonight, so glad to be together after a long week.
Have a restful night....shabbat shalom :)
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