Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Still On Computer Vacation

What's up with me? I really don't want to be at the computer at all recently. Instead, I'm:

1. Cleaning
2. Reading. Hubby's researching GEET technology and building something from metal rods, continuing to pore over anything he can get his hands on related to solar and generators. Not sure what... I'm reading Cousen's book on curing diabetes with raw foods, a new book on rocket stove heaters, multiple fiction from library, feeding a family off a quarter acre garden, raw food for dummies, taking notes on alternative uses for common plants. Voraciously reading fiction as I can, one author's works at a time.
3. COLD!
4. Being with my husband
5. Being with my dog
6. Working
7. COLD!
8. Planning the upcoming year
9. COLD!
10. Conspiring with hubby about how to get the heck out of Dodge sooner than later. Meaning going elsewhere, off-grid, ASAP
11. Eyeing household contents with eye to purge, methodically and permanently
12. Indulging in seed catalog eye candy
13. COLD!
14. Continuing eating raw smoothies, etc, along with homemade soups and roasted veggies.
15. Reading reading reading. Curling up in squares of weak sunlight that make it through the windows at a certain time of day and trying to thaw.
15. Loving wearing my barn coat during this rare RARE cold period. I LOVE my barn coat!
16. I love flannel sheets, flannel shirts, flannel Most Anything. So much for being a princess :)
17. I love my husband. More every day. Every every every day.
18. Daughter, too. Love her independence and how her orbit intersects my life in very different ways than when she was here with us before becoming an adult. Love every time I see her or get a call from her on the phone.

Strangely, I have not wanted to be at the computer at all. I listen to the scratchy radio occasionally. Go for walks or run errands. Am tackling procrastinated projects around the place. Wearing thick cushy socks. Loving the way clean clothes smell just after drying. Getting a charge out of the smoothies still. Loving cups of hot tea, sometimes coffee. Loving the super animation of my dog who thinks this weather is his Shangri-La.

I love finding authors whose words make my mind dance with words like music. Such wonderful pairings of words that you have to write them down because they're like something rare you never want to forget.

Loving DOING THINGS to get OFF GRID and retire the last of the DEBT now now now. Grungy, ugly, sweaty things that all add up to something we're building but that's not yet polished, or even in full view. "Now" may mean next year as far as realizing it, but the light at the end of the tunnel is stunningly motivating when compared to how distant it looked other years.

Love the peacefulness of reading a verse or two at a time from the Bible, and that's Enough. No sermons can ever be adequate to that. They don't need embellishment. They only get better with a walk in the woods or hearing the voice of a friend, or feeling the heat from the oven hit my face with a wave of fragrance from whatever's cooking, and feeling that wonderful substance of something solid that's homemade and simple. And I'm inhabited with Enough, and it's so much better than excess or lack. Dayeinu.

The worse the news from the rest of the world turns, the more I want to unplug, hurry to gather our resources into a tight knot of the essentials, and finish this thing. This Thing meaning complete independence from debt and situating ourselves where we're going to be for the long haul. All the while "un-hurrying" the way the world seems to be intent on hurrying.

And so, while all our outdoor plants turn to icky green popsicles in the nighttime lows, nothing's dormant here in the interior of our daily push to See This Through. My arm is strong for my tasks, my husband is solid and constant and persevering, and I feel so much better (I credit the raw eating to most of this, and of course to God's blessing)

We're almost "there." Even in the moment, I'm happy. Even if the world falls apart. My world has fallen apart in the past...is this why I'm not as afraid? Or maybe I appreciate the good when it's here and want to grab hold of it and savor every second?

I am grateful every day. This is not an isolated happiness. We're connected more every day with those who are having to roll up their sleeves, too, and we're in this together. These are the times we all find out what we're made of, and where our real worth lies. There is life beyond the strip mall, supermarket, drive-through, college career, 401K. But it looks a lot different.

Good. In my life, a lot of things needed to fall away. When this freeze is over, outside, most things will be in shock and seem dead, but the survivors will revive with little spears of green pushing up beside the dead stalks. Those are the plants we'll keep. The struggle makes most of them stronger and the fruit more resistant to extremes. Hopefully this is our time to stretch our muscles and keep pushing through the things that die away. I see this year as the quickened life awakening in the dormant sticks. Like the sort you scrape into to see if there are signs of color and test their pliancy for signs they'll be budding soon.

Among the dead sticks, things are green with hope and endurance.

As green as my beloved barn coat...

I'm still on hiatus.
Just checking in :)


Paulette said...

I totally understand needing to get away, but I miss you. Sounds like you are doing well, enjoy.

Melodie said...

Glad your still around!

Paulette said...

Hey Robbyn, miss hearing from you, hope all is well.