Why I'm Not Here

Because if you don't have something good to say, supposedly you're better off keeping the trap shut.

So maybe I'll keep this short and cryptic. Which means the post will probably end up being long and nonsensical...ha :)

This is not the first time we have been at the Doh end of the learning curve, namely when it involves money, land interests, and high hopes...oh, and attorneys. I will not go into the specifics, but I have been feeling sucker-punched at a recent development...or lack of development, in which an attorney simply did not advocate with the facts she was given at the outset of our situation, and then tried to play it off later with a slant that was irrelevant...because she simply took our money and never HEARD and READ the details at the outset. And of course we have no recourse because we're tired of attorneys, it's a small town thereabouts and we don't want to burn any bridges...and blah blah blah. Oh, brother. Legal stuff, land stuff, blah blah blah. See? Not very specific, am I?

I keep many details out of this blog for privacy's sake, which makes it kind of hard sometimes since the blog's about our life and many of its ups and downs on this journey. The journey turns on our having useful land. I know we can do the urban thing right where we are, but there are still doors open that need to be fully explored with acquiring land, and we need to do so in a timely way. So we keep plugging along...and providing cryptic nonsensical updates here to that effect. But there are tangible things to do, some of which if successful will allow us to HAVE USEFUL LAND. Meaning animals and fewer restrictions than where we are. Etc, etc.

And now for the gripe summary...

I have a steady husband who is very optimistic. (No gripe about that!) I myself am pretty resiliant and CALM in a variety of situations and circumstances. However, when it comes to incompetence involving taking large amounts of my money and seriously setting back our getting land SOON, when the expectation and all the conversation seemed we were on the brink, well...for some reason this time it felt like it took all the air out of me.

The other thing is that I've been feeling lousy, quasi-lousy, or slightly-less-than-bad...depends on the day which label to apply...for MONTHS now. In June it started, I don't know why. I got a stubborn respiratory infection that almost would go away and then would come back with a vengeance, and I'm not the kind of gal who goes to the doctor. I cleanse, do soup, do over-the-counter if necessary, do herbs. When my knuckles start dragging the floor and I can't speak in coherent sentences and my ear feels like it's inhabited by an expanding golf ball, then I go to the doc. I succumb to prescription meds. I feel the antibiotics wiping out any and all good bacteria in my body along with the bad and I ramp up the probiotics and vitamin C.

Blah blah blah...this is starting to sound like a litany of The Geezer List....corns, bunions, sciatica...I'll try to keep it shorter :)

Anyway, last week's newsworthy (NOT) sucker punch was accompanied by a sprained wrist and the next stage of this confounded respiratory infection that won't go away...going on 4 months now, all told. I've begun feeling sorry for myself. The house needs a deep clean, I need to be industrious, I need to keep walking daily, and I need to feel WELL. So yesterday at the most recent checkup, the doc tells me I'm not responding to any of the antibiotics, and my eardrums and canal look horrible, and she prescribes me what she refers to as The Big Guns, which amounts to the highest concentration of Augmentin I've ever been prescribed and an antifungal, which together cost three figures...good golly :(

This, and I'm the sort of person that avoids antibiotics like the plague (haha little pandemic phraseology fun there) ;-)

The weather is simply beautiful.
I'm grumpy.
My husband is simply wonderful.
I'm grumpy.
I have nothing to feel bad about.
I'm still grumpy.

So I haven't been even coming to the computer.

Oh yeah, and another thing I'm grumpy about (as long as I'm on a whinge binge), is that I have friends who live elsewhere, and family who sporadically get in touch with me via snail mail, but never email or read the blog...and they want to be updated in detail about what's going on with us, but don't have phone time because their lives are too busy. And they have email. But the only emails I get from them are the spams I hate, with silly "forwards" and my email address included on the huge laundry list of group emails they're sending to people I 've never heard of. Ugh.

See? Told you I'm grumpy :)

Let's see...anything else on the grump list, hmmm...

Oh yes.

I'm homesick. This will undoubtedly put me on the Most Thankless Person In The Western Hemisphere category immediately, but I'm a-sayin' it right here..

I MISS THE UPPER 47...namely Tennessee, but you can fill it in with anywhere that has some hardwoods, rolling hills or an occasional small mountain, streams and rivers, pastures and woodlands and four seasons, and wildlife not abundant with alligators/pythons/carnivorous insects/creeping tropical amphibians.
I miss trees turning colors.
I miss being able to SIT ON THE GROUND without being digested by stinging/biting/gnawing/viperous/poisonous/disfiguring things.
I miss laying out on a crooked lawnchair without becoming a fire ant buffet.

And I miss the sound of creeks, streams, and rivers and the cool of the night coming in through the windows... and bundling up and smelling woodsmoke and earth smells ...and having a fireplace or woodburning stove.

I miss really big trees, especially oaks. And dogwoods. And fruit trees like apples.


And the very worst admission....

I'm not a beach person. I can be awed by the sunsets, the wonderful romance of wading at the water's edge, absolutely! Shells, sand between the toes, my sweetheart holding my hand and walking together along the shore...the birds, the salty smells, yes. BUT...

I don't long for that. I long for the creeks, springs, pools, shallow rivers, the talking stones in a trouth stream. Cold mist hanging low in the mornings and deer browsing like ghosts. Flannel shirts.

OK...yes, I'm now officially an ingrate!

Just a homesick one.

Oh, and I miss red clay...can you believe I'd EVER say that? But it grows the best tasting tomatoes I've ever had, and sand doesn't impart that same liveliness to a tomato as that red clay.

Well, now that's off my chest for now.....I'm off to begin re-counting all my blessings and getting over myself...which will be easier if I can just get feeling better. When I'm sick for more than a couple days, guilt sets in and I feel like I'm being useless (well, basically I AM) :) and I feel uninspired. I need a good cry. I've had a few moments like that, but there's just so much to be grateful for, it's impossible to wallow....I'm so thankful to God for SO much.

I'm trying so hard not to be jealous of others right now. I'm just not the jealous sort. But I've actually wrestled with some of those feelings, too...not coveting, but just feelings of sadness like I'm being left behind. Some of this has to do with the fact we're wrestling with restrictions, restrictions, restrictions here in Florida that simply are a non-issue (and cost a HECK of a lot less in all the particulars) in about any other state. But they are entrenched here.

OK, whine over!

Blogger wouldn't let me post pics tonight, or I'd just have put up some update pics of the great growth we've seen in many of the plants Jack transplanted. Hopefully, I'll be able to post them soon :)

And I'll have spent a bit more time reflecting on all the benefits there are to our situation, and being grateful. For SO MANY blessings! And the fact that in fact I'd live among cannibals, leech-infested swamps, and torpedo-sized mosquitos to be with my beloved husband.

But I might still be a tad grumpy ;-)